He Believes Not
by I.W.P-chan
Summary: A Soulmate AU where a person sees the aspects of their relationship with their soulmate in their dreams. Shuake.


Summary: A Soulmate AU where a person sees the aspects of their relationship with their soulmate in their dreams. Shuake.

 _Note: I get questionable ideas at 3 am and follow through with them. Welcome to Pain Central._

 _I'm experimenting again. Oops?_

 **Warnings: Welcome To Pain Central, Akechi Goro's Stream Of Pain And Suffering, Author Laying The Angst On THICK, Author Lives Up To The Universal Writing Criteria: Character Torture, How Much Suffering Can I Put In Here? (Answer: A LOT), Kinda Hopeful Ending, Hints At So Many Things, Goro Dreams Of Kisses At Some Point And Makes the Author Sad, Goro Does A Thing And Kills The Author Too, Blood, Implied Character Death (Canon Compliant), Goro In Denial.**

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own P5.

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Goro is thirteen and he dreams.

He's an unwanted child. Undesired. Cursed. With no mother or father. No home. No family.

He dreams and it's not of his soulmate. And it's of his soulmate.

He's an unwanted child. He doesn't have a soulmate. Doesn't _deserve_ a soulmate.

.

(But he dreams anyway, because he is selfish. Because he wants. Because he is greedy.)

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(He dreams of comfortable silence and darkness interrupted only by the sounds and lights of his favorite show, and a comforting weight pressed against his side, hair tickling his face and neck.)

.

(It's all a lie and he doesn't believe it.)

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Goro is fourteen and he dreams.

He hungers in the middle of the night, the cold, dreary night.

He dreams and it's not of his soulmate. And it's of his soulmate.

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(It's cold and it stings and he wishes. Wishes for a home, for a place to call his own, for a person to smile at him just for him. It's a wish so small- _so large_ \- but heart-wrenching all the same.)

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(He dreams of warm food, warm drinks, a warm smile and a pair of dark eyes.)

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(It's all a lie and he doesn't believe it.)

.

Goro is fifteen and he dreams.

He longs for freedom, longs for justice, longs for his father's _(pride in him)_ downfall.

He longs, but stays his hands, the road is long and he will be patient.

.

(His hands grow redder and redder with every command from that man _(his father)_ and he suffocates.)

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(He dreams of blood. Of a face beaten black and blue staring at him in shock and betrayal. Of a gun in his hand. Of a pair of _(familiar)_ wide, dark eyes on the end of the barrel. Of his finger pressing the trigger and a lifeless body slumping over, dark hair matted with blood.)

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(It's all a lie and he doesn't believe it.)

.

(But _oh no_ , **that** is the lie. He believes it. It's not a lie. He is cursed, unwanted, undesired, with no family no home. No love, no warmth to embrace him, because he is a murderer and he _**does not deserve**_ -)

.

Goro is sixteen and he dreams.

The spotlight burns him. His mask sticks to his face, his hands wet with blood and lies constantly spill from his mouth.

He deceives and tricks, cheats and kills, _burns with rage and hatred and murderous intent._

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(His body is cold and he craves- desires- longs- wishes- for what, he doesn't know _(he knows)_ but wants all the same.)

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(He dreams of arms around his body, cradling him, carefully holding him like something precious. Of kisses pressing searing heat into his skin. It brings him to life, lights a fire in his body and sends his heart stuttering a mile a minute. And he wishes, _**oh he wishes**_ -)

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(It's all a lie and he doesn't believe it.)

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Goro is seventeen and everything is drawing to a close.

He has lied-

 _(-not him why him-)_

-and played-

 **(-not him why him-)**

-and killed-

 _ **(-not him why him-)**_

The only person to look at him and see.

(Dark hair matted with blood. Dark eyes wide with betrayal. Pale face swollen with bruises.

A dead body in the middle of an empty room.

And he holds the gun heavy in his hand.

It's all his fault, all his fault.)

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Goro is seventeen and stands on the precipice.

A gun is pointed at him by his father's _(that bastard's)_ image of him as he stands between two sides.

He doesn't dare move, doesn't dare escape the fake, for then the fake will redirect his attention to Goro's rival _(the one who carries Goro's heart and soul and hope with him)_ **and that must not happen**.

Goro stands on the precipice and finally makes a decision of his own free will.

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 _The wall rises and parts the room in two. Goro hears the bullets, feels them impact his body, knows he gives as good as he receives as blue fire consumes him_ (not harmful, never harmful, I am thou and thou art I) _. He feels at ease, his Heart and Soul on the other side, safe and away from danger (for now), but insistent enough to pound on the barrier separating them._

 _His Heart and Soul will have to leave, eventually, but Goro is selfish and basks in the moment, basks in the worry, basks in the proof that he matters for this one person he gladly gave away his hope, his wish, his desire to._

.

(His eyes slip closed and he dreams. He dreams of a familiar attic above a familiar café, of a familiar body curled around him and a familiar voice in his ears.)

.

(This time- this time he chooses to believe.)

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End


End file.
